Thursday 6 December 2007

Day 196 – First Fight with ManBoy but hot darn I wish this read FIST fight with ManBoy, as I want to belt the crap out of him!!!



Ohmigod! I have never, ever, EVER had to deal with such rude, arrogant, pompous, snobbish arseholes like I had to endure last night. Please note I include ManBoy in that group as well.

So I got dressed and ManBoy picked me up and off we went. We get to the venue say our hellos and I was introduced to a few people I had not met before. I was nodded at or smiled to and not one of the cunts said a “HELLO” not one. Is nodding the new way to say hello?

Now let me quick remind you that these people are just sales assistants. Yes I am sounding very snobbish I know and hey there is nothing wrong with being a sales assistant but having said that you would have thought that these people were mega rich super stars or doctors or lawyers or something the way they were acting. Their shit don’t stink.

This anorexic fake tittie, okay she was gorgeous, mole jumps all over ManBoy hugging and kissing him whilst he is standing there holding my hand!!! (Ahhhh hello I’m huge you can’t miss me I was thinking to myself.) ManBoy withdrew from her embrace and introduces me to her and she looks down at me, as she was close to six foot and I aint that tall, and says “oh yeah, hi” (Oh yeah hi? Oh yeah hi? Are you for fucking real mole?) I was twitching to say something, but alas I had to keep my mouth shut.

We sit down and for the first half hour or so I was not acknowledged, my presence was almost non-existent and yes I tried very hard to be included in their conversations but do you know how humiliating it is when you say something and no one acknowledges or recognizes you or what you have just said? I was mortified and every time I spoke there was just this awkward silence. I get the feeling I am not liked. Don’t you?

ManBoy initially looked very uncomfortable and kept trying to include me in the discussion and the work gossip but sadly that still didn’t help any thing and he slowly leant his entire upper body forward and was resting his chin on his knuckles and I was completely blocked out of their view. Happy Fucking Christmas I thought to myself.

By this stage my eyes had teared up and I was read to let the rivers of Babylon unleash themselves. Its amazing how strong I became at that precise minute as I concentrated on my breathing and did one of my breathing exercises which consists of quietly inhaling in, right in, and keep inhaling until the point of you about to gasp and then slowly, ever so slowly releasing it out. Whoosh. I did this 4 times and my tears went away. I kept telling myself over and over again that it was okay that these people didn’t like me and never had liked me that was cool. It was their loss as I am a funny sheila!!! They had judged me on what and who they thought I might be, they had not judged my character or me for ME. Its okay I told myself. It didn’t matter. I just had to get through tonight and I would never ever have to see them again.

I then had one of the managers whom I will refer to as Kee come over and sit next to me and start talking to me. Really talking to me and wanting to find out about me. Barbie and her titties along with her little friends did nothing but send me black daggers by the way they were looking at me. Oh how I wanted to stand up, give them the bird and scream out “waz up motherfucker?”

Kee was the only person who spoke to me the entire evening, he actually said to me to “don’t mind them, they are a pack of bitches and the guys are just goons” I laughed out aloud, I just knew that if I didn't laugh I was going to cry!

We ordered our meals and I excused myself from the table to Kee and I grabbed my handbag and decided to walk home. I had had enough and ManBoy had not spoken one word to me the bulk of the evening. So fuck you ManBoy I thought to myself and fuck you to your little uneducated moronic workmates. I slung my bag over my shoulder and managed the 30-minute walk home. I cried hysterically all the way home.

I walked past my parent’s street but kept on going, as I didn’t want them to see how unhappy I was. I got home hugged my dog and cried some more and then waited for ManBoy. I waited some more and some more. I kept checking my mobile for messages; I even rang my own mobile just in case it wasn’t working. It was working.

The bastard cunt motherfucker rings me at 11.45 pm and says, “Where are you?” Where am I? I’m at home you piece of shit. And then my friends I unleashed and spewed forth the vilest concoction of words and abuse. Do you want to know what was hilarious? He says to me “I think you are over reacting” Over reacting motherfucker?

We spent the next 2 hours on the phone and I told him that I thought it would be best if he left me alone for a few days so that I may cool down.

I switched my mobile off today and every time ManBoy called me at work I hung up on him. I am very upset that I was treated this way and yeah okay maybe I am a fucking diva but I would never treat somebody I claimed to care about in that manner.

Food wise I am super dooper hungry and all I can think about is food. Am I hungry? No not in the slightest. I’m just emotional, I am angry and I am self-hating myself today which in turns brings out the emotional eating. I also noticed myself scoffing food down all day long. I guess I’ve been on a good wicket for a while with my food so this is my first binge day in nearly 7 months. I am not justifying my actions in the slightest I guess I am just trying to find a positive; any positive in this infinite sadness I am experiencing. I wish I had the gift of not eating when I was upset and sad.

Tomorrow is another day and I will try my hardest to make it a happy positive day and I will try my darnest to get out of this funk I am in. I’ve just had a rough week “boy wise” what with Alister, and now with ManBoy. I am so fucking angry with both of them and THIS is exactly why I don’t do relationships. Alister I can justify his actions as he has always treated me like this but I guess I feel deflated that ManBoy showed me his insensitive and piggish side. Better now then later I guess.

Are ManBoy and I over? From my end I don’t think so…I just need for him to realize and understand where I was coming from and that I am not over-reacting. Also the fact that I walked home alone in the dark by myself didn't even concern him. Is this what he is like when having had a drink?

I’ve also been having a shit of a time at work these last 2 weeks to the point where I contemplated resigning. I feel no respect and I fell like my efforts are just a crock of shit. I am clashing with a certain work colleague (which I find rather hilarious) but in the same breath cleaning up people's fuck ups, stupid pathetic fuck ups...Im just over it! Like the saying goes “when it rains it pours”

Anyways…tonight saw me having a drink with my heavily pregnant (due in 2 weeks) friend Row. We only had a glass of wine each and I sipped it over the course of 2 hours and I felt fine. It was lovely having a drink with her. We had dinner at this gorgeous Japanese restaurant (Japanese food used to be my favorite) but unfortunately Japanese food doesn’t go down very easily (or could it be that I am so tense that nothing can go down?)

So that’s been my last 24 hours and I end tonight with BRING ON THE XMAS BREAK before I have an emotional breakdown.

Reney

2 comments:

Unknown said...

Oh Reney

My God, this man knows your social capabilities, he knows you have a personality and he knows you can converse with just about anyone! No, you're not over-reacting - they're simply twats!

By the same token, he has no control over their idiotic behaviour, and only YOU can control your response to their idiotic behaviour.

Having said all that - he, as your partner at this horrific event, should have done more to include you and the fact he let you walk home alone in the dark.... grrrrrr, NOT HAPPY JAN!

Give him a bitch slap from me darl!

Maree

Mel said...

It took him that long to realise you were gone? OMG! I would seriously be having a word to him!

About his "friends" dont worry about them, they are not worth the bother.

Mel.!