Day 187 – I fainted!!!

Ohh man!! You will not believe the morning I had. My alarm screamed at 6.00am and I opened my eyes and just felt groggy and blah. I lay there for about 20 minutes dozing and then I sat up in bed, swung my legs over the bed, and with my heart race. BRRRRRR BRRRRRR BRRRRR. I felt all clammy and sweaty and the fighter in me said “No, nothing is wrong, just get up and get ready for work” I stood up and BANG hit the deck!

Yeps I fainted. I don’t know how long I was out for but I came to on the ground and Elvis was barking and going apeshit. My poor dad let himself in and hearing Elvis going off and not responding to his commands he ran into my bedroom to find me on the ground. He helped put me back to bed and I rested.

I feel defeated. I feel deflated. I feel depleted, BUT I will overcome this like I overcome everything else in my life. Absolutely positively nothing is going to slow me down and get in my way. I mean that BUT at the same time I cannot comprehend why all this fucking bull crap is happening and YES I guess I am sort of feeling sorry for myself. BOOHOO right? I had the lapband surgery to better me but I feel like I am on some sort of roller coaster rider. I thought roller coaster rides were supposed to be fun. I am very aggravated and annoyed. But as hypocritical as this is sounding I will overcome this little obstacle.

I went to see my GP who kept taking my blood pressure, my pulse rate over and over and tells me that I seem to be a little all over the place. Yeah no shit Sherlock I was thinking to myself. Dr.S knows me too well though as he asked: "What's the smirk for?" All I could do was shrug my shoulders and grunt. So I now have to have a Holter Monitor put on. Fucking great I say. I’ve had one of these on a few years back and I got so frustrated with it that I recall ripping it off in the middle of the night and frisbee-ing it across my bedroom.

So now its 8pm and I have to say I am feeling a lot better apart from this inane guilt for not going to work. I hate letting people down. I hate letting my team down and I don’t know how I am going to go to work tomorrow. I feel like I have done something wrong even though I haven’t. I’m a Whacko Jacko I know.

Happily I got to watch The Bra Boys once again…that’s a total of 18 times in a span of 2 weeks. Today I watched it with the sound down and just watched the beautiful and gorgeous surfer boys doing their barrels and tubes.

I would love to be able to surf. The freedom of it all.

Reney