Day 174 – There was movement at the station…

Ahhh yes folks I am back to normal and man I feel fucking unreal. It was Banjo Paterson who wrote, “There was movement at the station, for the word has passed around” from The Man from Snowy River. But my version is: There was movement in Reney’s station for pooh had passed around. Yes I have my stupid sense of humour back so I must be feeling better.

Work was sheer and utter chaos, we are so busy between now and the end of the year and the phones were going off. I had no time to check emails or to go and “play” on Facebook. We are short staffed and we are all feeling over worked and over tired and I gotta say a bit “snappy”. SuzieQ and I had a spat (and we have never exchanged words in 2 years of knowing one another) and I went up to her a few hours after the fact and asked her if she was okay with me and I apologized for the incident and we both knew that what we both said was just due to being so fucking tired. Its okay though only 5 more working weeks until we all go on a break.

So apart from work, all is going really well and I have got a very new craving. Which has alarmed me, but alarmed me in a good way I must add. I crave steamed veggies with a dash of lemon juice and olive oil. How fucked up is that? I am eating it every day for lunch. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that I would want veggies. I can’t get my head around the fact that ever since I have had this surgery I crave healthy foods. I crave home cooked meals. Having said all that I would still kill for a slice of buttery toast.

Fuck my mouth is just watering as I sit here typing this. Ohhhhh toast, my dear, dear friend, why, why, why? Why can’t I eat you? The best thing ever created since slice bread (bada bing bada boom) and I can’t eat you no matter how I try.

After work I went around to my cousin Gee’s as I had promised the girls a present. I then raced to my parents and had the most divine dinner. Mum had made me a piece of salmon and some more steamed veggies. I struggle eating any sort of meats. It always tends to get stuck and I always end up spewing my guts up.

My mum, god bless her, still can’t quite get her head around my portion sizes. I guess that’s what Greek mums are like (and this is why I worry about my Aunt who had the lap band surgery last week) it is imperative to stick to the correct portions and to not over do it. People forget that the top tummy or the top pouch can still distend if you aren’t careful. But I digress…I ended up eating a quarter of what was on my plate. I took my first tiny mouthful of salmon and almost instantaneously it felt like it had stuck.

I initially got upset; as I need to eat my “white meats” I need to get healthy. I am soo tired of vomiting and having restriction. So I went against the rules of the road and I ended up using the Magic Bullet to puree/blenderize my salmon. I drenched it in tomato sauce (what else..yummy) and ate it mushed up. If I have to do this to be able to eat my fish then so fucking be it. I know you are all tut tutting me and probably want to berate me for going backwards in how I am eating. And we all know that at the point that I am at I should be eating solid food and eating comfortably.

Sadly though I am not. I am spending the majority of meal times hunched over the bowl, punching the toilet wall trying to get whatever is stuck out. I don’t want this band to slip and I think that if it is going to happen to anyone then it will happen to me.

I read a lot about vomiting and the lap band the other night so I guess I am being super paranoid but most of my research indicated that 1 spew per week is ok any more than that is not okay. So having read that I sort of flipped as I am vomiting at least 4 times a week.

My surgeon and I do not see eye to eye in this matter as I have sent him many annoying emails stating that he may have taken some fill out but restriction is still way too prominent. I want more out.

So back to what I was saying, I am having to mush my fish and chicken only to be able to keep it down and to be able to feel full and satisfied for longer. I am tired of the hair loss and the awful blotchy skin.

This works for me so at the end of the day that’s all that really matters I guess. Right??


Reney