Day 138 – Okay, Tuesday is over with now bring on Wednesday.

What a full on day! It was so busy that I started work at 8.00am and just got home at 7.15pm with only a half hour lunch break. It was long but I got through it and I got a truckload done. Nothing like job satisfaction I say. We managed a ton of laughs along the way, which always makes the day less painful.

Food has been great as I stuck to soup and yoghurt its just water that I have been lax with. I know, I know, I need to be drinking at least 2 litres a day and you know usually I have no trouble with water but today I just wasn’t thirsty and I forgot to drink. I think also the fact that I was waking up every 2 or so hours last night to drink water may also have a lot to do with the decrease in water intake today. I think I drank 5 glasses of water between the hours of 11pm – 6am this morning.

I received a lot of emails today in relation to last night’s entry “Accepting Compliments” and I have a ton of thoughts going around my head about what I have read. Seems that I have opened a rather interesting topic of discussion (which is a GOOD thing) What I came up with was that each and every one of you and I include myself in this are scared to be happy and are scared to accept compliments. I wanna know why? Why have WE done this to ourselves and what is it that we all have in common to have made ourselves like this.

I then had a good hard think about why I feel so weird about people paying me compliments. Was it something in my upbringing? Did something happen to me that was really bad as a kid? Did my parents not show a lot of love towards me? What? What? What? What the fuck happened that turned this happy “normal” teenager into this unhappy adult? Friends I still can’t find the answer. I have tried to go as far back as my brain will allow me to try and remember any events that may have begun or contributed to my road of destruction. I am responsible for my own destruction so I don’t want anyone to think that I am looking to blame someone or some thing as I held the food that I shoved down my throat, I made the poor choices in the foods I put into my body. But what drove me to it? When was the first time I used food as a solace? I need to see a hypnotist as I have suppressed too much and I need and want to let it out.

I would love to hear you opinions and your views and maybe even if you want to share your memories or experiences I would be appreciative. I wont publish anything on this blog nor will I ever mention anything to anyone I am just curious as to what has made you binge eat so maybe in the process I can try and work out why I went down this downward spiral. I can be emailed at: reney99@yahoo.com.au or thereanster@yahoo.com.au

I have a busy remainder of the week ahead of me as T. hits town tomorrow (yayyy!!) We bitches are going to have such good fun. I have the day off work tomorrow but I have a million errands to do but I plan on a sleep in and a walk. I have to do both as a way of rewarding myself and making sure that for once I really look after myself first. After those two things have been done then I can share myself with my family and with T. This is my new way of thinking, its selfish I know but it’s all about the new me.

One last thing before I go, I had a real proud moment today as I heard through the grapevine that my 5 year old god-daughter Dee won a 1st Prize Ribbon for The Best Artist in her kindi. I almost cried with joy as I ws so elated. I wish I could have hugged her and showered her with kisses but sadly that’s not likely to ever happen again. I am so pleased that my little pookey has a creative side to her and I only hope and pray that her parents channel and guide her down the right creative path. Ahhhh bless I feel so happy.

Stay beautiful everyone!!!


Reney