Day 137 – Accepting a compliment

Who sang that song “It’s been a looong day” ahh yes that’s right Matchbox 20. The entire day I was singing that line over and over again in my head.

It’s Monday and it’s been a full on day for me. I am emotionally drained and I want nothing better than to call in sick for the entire working week but I couldn’t do that I can’t let people down. I can’t let my boss down. I can’t let my work colleagues down. I am exhausted beyond belief. But it’s all good. This is just a bad patch and I can almost feel like a good patch coming my way. I can feel it in me waters. Hee hee.

I woke this morning to the sorest of sorest throats. Yes my gorgeous T. I have a case of what you refer to as “Cock Throat” but no I haven’t done any of that. I just have a red raw throat and I know it’s all from spewage.

Today’s food intake was great and everything stayed down. I took on the advice of a lot of my blog readers and especially to Jules, that the best thing for me to do was to stick to sloppy mushies and that’s exactly what I did and today it funnily enough my food felt rather soothing on my band, and I am also filling up my energy tank as well as I am beginning to feel a lot stronger both physically and mentally albeit slowly.

I experienced quite a few compliments today from one of my Aunts and my mum, my parent’s neighbor who both said that I look great. It was nice to hear it but then again it wasn’t. I have received heaps of messages, emails, and comments from fellow readers who have told me that they too struggle and struggled to accept compliments. Nearly everyone said the exact same thing and that being that we hate not receiving compliments but the minute we do we clam up or we try to throw away the nice comments. Peeps why do we do this? Yeah, yeah we suffer some extreme self-esteem issues I get that but what has triggered this problem within us, within me?

People around me who don’t have a weight issue don’t understand this about me. They think I’m just being a dickhead or I’m being stupid. If only they knew that inside my head I cringe when someone says something nice. It’s easier to cope with negativity than have someone be nice to me. I’m fucked I know but in the same breath I have to admit this out aloud that at least I know now that I am not alone. So many of you have all told me that you too have trouble with receiving compliments and I kind of had to exhale loudly as I’m not the only one. Like, thank fuck it aint just me!

I know I need to delve in deeper within myself and work out why. Why am I like this? Why can’t I accept a compliment? I am sort of scared to actually delve in deeper. I have scratched the surface ever so slightly but I need to go in that deeper but fear holds me back.

Anyway, I’ve got a full on day tomorrow and sadly its not even arrived and I am desperate for it to be over. Grrrr!!! So much to do tomorrow.

Gotta run!

Reney