Day 119 – I’m craving Kit Kats

Work was sooo busy. I think I spent the bulk of the day standing up and moving, that aint a complaint. It felt good to be on the go, beats sitting on my fat arse that’s for sure.

Exhaustion has been visiting me the last couple of weeks and I noticed that this week I have been coming home from work, having dinner, watching a bit of teli and then falling into a very deep sleep. I am averaging approximately 2 hours sleep on the sofa. I love that feeling when you are still and lying down and your breathing gets heavy and slow and your eyes keep flicking, opening and closing and opening and closing and I loooove that final blink before my eyes close and then sleep. Love that warm sensation.

I woke up and just lay there thinking about 1 more day until the weekend comes and a few more weeks before I start work in my new workplace. That’s my exciting work news from last night. I have been offered the unique opportunity of working one day a week at a new clinic doing Sleep Apnoea Medicine & Dentistry with my boss Andrew. I am so excited to be given the chance to do this. My boss is going places and I am tickled pink that I get to participate and observe his climb. I can’t wait to get out of the “clinical” dentistry side and onto something very different. Cant wait I tell you.

Today food stayed down and that has just been so peachy. I think I’ve got it all down pat, yes restriction is very present but I have slowed my eating down by heaps and I am spreading my meals out from 20 minutes per meal to 90 minutes. I eat very slowly, very small bites, chew, chew, chew and just take my time. I cannot eat and watch TV or read a book. I need total concentration. I stare at every bit of food I put in my mouth and just take my time. I don’t care if I have to do this for the remainder of my life, my goal is to just lose weight and keep weight off. That’s all that I need to do. I am driven to making this succeed and I will be successful there are no ifs or buts about it.

The only thing I have craved this entire week has been a Kit Kat. Which is funny as Kit Kats where never something I really craved, I was always more a Mars Bars kinda chick, but these past 4 days I have been desperate to have me a Kit Kat. Things got a bit hairy yesterday as I almost gave into temptation. Instead I turned that energy into singing (how fucked am I?) I made a song up and I called it “Reney wants a Kit Kat” and I was singing it from the top of my lungs and it went a little something like this:

Reney wants a Kit Kaaatttt,
Meow, meow,
I want me a Kit Kaaaaaat and I want it now,
I know I am sounding like Veruca Salt
But I want a Kit Kaaaaaaat and I want it now,
Meow, meow,
Kitttty Katttty meow meow
I want it now”

Very pathetic on my behalf but hilarious as I think I drive my work colleagues nuts (my favourite thing to do is to irritate people around me. I find this rather hilarious)

Well my Kit Kat obsession still has not left and I have decided to ride the crave through until Sunday, if I still want one by Sunday 4pm then I am going to bite the bullet and buy one and I plan on taking a photo of myself eating it. Why? Because if I get another craving for a Kit Kat and a need to sing The Kit Kat Song, I can look back at my photo and remember how great it tasted at the time but how the guilt’s nearly killed me. How do I know I will be feeling guilty after eating my Kit Kat? Well my friends, I know what my head is like. I still feel guilty and I think I will always feel guilty when I eat something "naughty". I pray that one day, some day, down the track I will be okay with eating the occasional "naughty" thing. I can only hope.

Anyways…that’s been me for today.

Reney