Day 115 – The beans have been spilt!!!

I spent this morning with ManBoy sipping lattes at one of my favourite cafes and watching the people go by. I really enjoy people watching. I like to observe what people are wearing, how they combine things, its great and rather inspirational.

I sipped lattes whilst ManBoy ate toast and offered me a bite. Fuck I miss toast sooo much. I always thought pre-surgery that is, that I would crave other things not toast. You know if I was offered a piece of choclate or a piece of buttery toast I have to say that the toast would be the winner.

So, after a few days of thinking about things and realizing that hiding my surgery isn’t exactly a healthy thing. I came to the realization that the time is now. ManBoy has a right to know.

The convo went a little like this:

M: “Here take a bite, its weird that I am eating and you are just sipping coffee”
R: “I can’t eat and drink at the same time.”
M: “What? Well of course you can, look,”
So he took a bite of his toast, took a sip of his coffee and then tapped his head and rubbed his tummy at the same time and said:
M: “ now you try.”
I laughed and laughed
R:” I know I can but I cant”
He looked very perplexed
I looked around me and saw that the café was jam-packed but I threw all caution to the wind, lifted my top up slightly and said see this? He freaked he got a severe case of google eye then I said now touch this.

M: “Oh fuck what is growing inside you? Reney that’s fucking gross”

So I laughed and said let me tell you a little story and I want you to listen to everything, digest it and then ask me whatever you want I can’t hide this anymore.

I spent I reckon the next hour telling him about my surgery from woe to go. I explained that my blog was about the lap band and the whole shebang.

How the times when I had to excuse myself form the table was probably most likely to the fact that I had to chuck my guts up as food was stuck. The fact that I claimed to be a vegetarian not by choice but because of necessity was all because I am not allowed to eat meat if its not minced up. How sadly I can’t eat any chicken anymore due to it sticking. How every time he would ask whether I had lost some weight and I used to say no, I actually had. I explained that every time I said no I hadn’t lost weight is just me and my fucked up in the headness unable to take a compliment, which I still find it hard to accept. Why when he went in for a pash I would squirm and giggle was because I didn’t want him to bump or graze my port and feel the alien that was inside me. Yes I do refer to my port as the alien as it does indeed feel fucking weird.

It all came spewing out of my mouth. I explained the eating and drinking at the same time was a no-no, the reason why I didn’t drink was because I was now a 2 sip screamer, how when his friends smoked around me I would cough as my lungs were a bit fucked up, how the time he had called me and I was at home crying was because I had lost a bit of hair due to the band, how I always eat my protein first as this was the best thing for my band, and that’s why I didn’t eat my veggies first (as he would always yell at me “Eat your veggies Reney”). How I have always had a weight problem and how I had to do this or else I was likely to die by the time I was 50.

I then drew (using my eyeliner and napkin) how the band sat around my stomach, how when I had the lucky opportunity of burping I would rub my chest and say “Ohmigod so good” was all about. Why I had such severe constipation. What a fill was, explained restriction the whole lot. I then took a sip of water, took a deep breath and said “Over to you”

To me, it seemed like I had just inundated him with too much, way too much information but at the same time he looked relieved. He thanked me for telling him and then asked why I felt this need to hide it from him and I explained that I all I ever wanted from potential “mates” was to like me for me and by liking me for me, then it meant that you had to get to know how I tick and what I was all about. I also explained that this lapband was still very new to me and I honestly didn’t know when to tell him nor how to tell him there had to be the right time and place. How do you tell someone? I have struggled with this almost from the beginning. How do I tell people? Okay let me fess up; I’m also embarrassed that I have had this surgery. Don’t tut tut me I am being downright honest here. I am embarrassed that my weight issue has ended up with me having some type of surgery to aid me. I, at times, felt like a loser in my past when I was never successful on a diet

He explained that he didn’t care about the lap band but at least now he knew why I did the quirky food things that I did. Then he inundated me with questions, questions, questions and seemed to be very interested as to what it felt like and how the port worked and al the usual questions that people have asked me.

What a fucking relief, and it was so bloody easy. I feel 100 kilos lighter as I am not carrying around this secret. It’s out there and now I don’t care who knows. Dead set serious, I don’t care who knows. Having said that its not like I am going to ring everybody in my address book and said hi its me I’ve had a lapband but at the right place and right time I will tell them about it.

Do I feel good? I feel darn good. I feel happy and I feel this insane relief.

So that has been my day in a nutshell.

The upcoming week is going to be a motherfucker of a week as its my boss’ first official day back at work from his 2 week vacation/Sleep Apnoea Seminar and it is going to be hell at work and I am anxious of the week to be over with before its even begun.

I hope this past week has been a good one for you all, and may the up and coming week be a pleasant one for all of us.

I’m out!!!

Reney