I was lucky to get to start work today at 9.30 and it was simply amazing to get to sleep in and just chill out in bed. I contemplated getting up and making a proper breakfast for myself and then thought well I don’t know how to cook let alone what to cook.
Yeah, yeah, 37 year old single woman who doesn’t know how to cook. Its slack but it’s a blessing because if I knew how to cook Id definitely be bigger than a shit brick house. At least I’m honest.
I rang mum this morning and asked her how to boil an egg. She was alarmed and asked me whether I had a fever, and whether I was feeling alright. I laughed and said no fever and yes I was feeling alright but I wanted to make an egg for breakfast. Mum told me what to do and I realised then that I don’t own any little saucepans and I have never bought eggs in my entire existence. Having said that though I do in fact own an egg timer!!! Yeah I hear ya; I’m a pathetic and hopeless woman. So I had to scrap the egg idea.
In my defence I am a Generation X’er who lives fast, fast, fast and on the go, go, go. My cooking skills are opening a box, putting the food item in the microwave and beep beep the buttons ta-da its cooked, or running to a restaurant for a meal and drinks with friends, or going around to my folks for dinner (remember I’m Greek and Mum EXPECTS me to go around for dinner – Bro I need back up here, leave a comment supporting your sister)
I'm starting to feel a bit “limited” shall we say with what foods I can eat. This is probably why I would skip a lot of my meals, admittedly I wasn’t hungry to begin with but things like toast, crumpets, bananas, pasta, noodles, cucumber, tomatoes, cabbage, chicken, red meat to name a few are simply out of the equation now for me. Am I bothered about that? Not in the slightest but it is hard to try and get my head around what I can eat and what is going to make me feel comfortable. I am so over the vomiting and in fact I dread the vomits with a passion.
People that know me and whom have known me for years will tell you that I am petrified of vomiting. My mum tells me that when I was a “littley” I used to cry and cry and tell her “the vomits are coming, the vomits are coming” yet I would never vomit. I don’t know how I could control not vomiting but I did. How I wish I had control of that now. I guess I should be honest here but I really think that vomiting or productive burps, spewage whatever and however you wish to refer to it is seriously a pain in the arse and a negative about this surgery. I’ve only ever really had a close call and that was yesterday with banana burp spew. But how embarrassing would that be to happen at a restaurant or something????
I love my band so please do not misinterpret what I am saying but I want to be real and I want to be honest and show that there are good times with the band and there are shitty times. Lets not sugar coat everything shall we? Having said all that, there is a young gentleman who reads my blog and has been banded for 2 years and he has only vomited on 2 occasions. So I guess everybody is different.
Enough about spewage, today I had a terrific NSV. I went to do the banking for work and decided to buy lattes for myself and our trainee nurse. I walked into the coffee-cake shop and ordered the lattes and as I was waiting for them I looked at all the cakes in the display. This cake shop is to DIE for. They usually have something like 200 different cake varieties on sale at the one time, its NUTS. You walk in and inhale and you have easily consumed 500 calories from sniffage alone. I looked at everything and thought I would buy something for myself as a treat as I haven’t had a treat for AGES. I knew I seriously would not be able to finish it but I thought that I would divi it up into 3 (for myself, Nick and Ash- my work colleagues) I stood there staring at the display and slowly looking at one cake to the next and to the next and absolutely nothing was shouting out at me. I freaked out for a split second.
Let me allow you into my brain, this was the conversation:
Devil Reney: Reney doesn’t want cake??? Hello Stupid-o!!! YOU don’t want cake? YOU, don’t want caaake?? You have eaten hardly anything for lunch, go on buy some cakes, or a biscuit, mmmmm look at that huge custard thingy you like, go on sweetie buy it!
Soon to be a skinny bitch Reney: “Hmmmm. Nah, I just don’t feel like anything, all the cakes look nice and tasty but I don’t think I want anything.
Devil Reney: “You think you don’t want anything but deep down you do, you want it soooo bad”
Soon to be a skinny bitch Reney: “Nup, I just want my latte”
Devil Reney: “NOOOOOO You are killing me!!! I’m melting, I’m melting, I’m melti…..”
Soon to be a skinny bitch Reney: “Die you fat mother fucker!! Be gone with you, IM IN CONTROL NOW”
And yes folks this is what goes on in my little brain each and every meal time!!!
Well that’s me for today!!!
Reney
P.S – Have I been good about not talking about the APEC Summit???
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6 comments:
To all of Reans readers,
She is clueless when it comes to cooking. Let me fill you in: Reans has managed to burn popcorn and almost set fire to my microwave, she also managed to burn 2 kettles when we worked together (Girl you need to check if there is water in a kettle before you switch it on) burnt toast, overcooked porridge in a microwave, has over boiled pasta that it resembled glue, attempted to make choclate mousse instead it was rock hard and could not be scooped out of the bowl, but the funniest thing was when she organised my going away party and had it all catered for and all she had to do was put a few trays of finger foods in the oven instead half the food came out frozen the other half burnt.
The only thing Reney does well is make an amazing coffee, lattes, macchiatos, flat whites, cafe mochas she is The Anthony Bourdain of coffees.
Having just taken the complete piss out of you sunshine, I love you so, so much!!! Just pray that if you ever get married that you marry a chef or something like that as you WILL burn your house down.
T.
Hey T.
SHUDDUP!!!
Don't tell people everything about me!!!
As for getting married are you for real dude? I could never do that to myself. I wouldn't mind dating a chef, I could always do a trade off with him like I will clean his bathroom if he prepares sinner for me.
Reney
OHHHHH CRAP
Freudian slip or what??? I meant DINNER not SINNER.
Reney
Hey Reney,
Yep it is true on a couple of occasions I've chuckled on a bit of basmati. I figure that it is too dry and needs a bit of moisture/lubricant to slip it past the band.
On the cooking front, I figure you should go the Jerry Maguire way and when you meet a guy that can cook then you can say the infamous words "you complete me". My husband is a good cook- probably why I ended up with a band- go figure. He made the mistake of one day say that he enjoyed coming home and cooking as it made him work out his stress. As a loving wife, why should I stand in the way of him relieving stress.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I'm not domestically challenged but figure that I am doing my daughter's a favour cause then they can see that a man can cook, they don't lower their expectations for any future partner. Someone get the front end loader to remove the crap coming out of my mouth.
Oh I am a little envious of your blog and wish I could share too. Maybe I'll summon the courage. I'm a baby boomer and we procrastinate.
Rainbows and chickpeas to you
Jules
Hi,
Now I know I am not the only one who has the demons in their head, or good cop bad cop.Todays blog was almost like you were in my brain.Every day I go through the same battle you experienced in the cake shop.You strenghth is amazing and I am prowd of you.
Shirls
My name is?
My name is?
My name is?
Sam
understood?
Matt68
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