Day 76 - My 4 Amigos

I had my rostered day off work today and I feel like I have hardly worked these last 4 weeks what with all these sick days, days off…I’m a slacker and I don’t like it. I need to feel productive at all times. Having said that I like my 9-day fortnight.

I awoke nice and early and went to a Bikram Yoga class and found it as intense as always. No matter how many times I do a Bikram class I still walk in and go UHHHHH from the heat its weird. I let my entire mind focus on the stretches and concentrated on nothing but that. Totally focused, totally centered. Mind and body in tune with one another. Which I believe to be harder than actually doing the stretches in the heat. In the process of such intense concentration I totally forgot about the stifling heat.

I have quite a bit on my mind at the moment as a wave of troubles have kindly (NOT) landed on my shoulders of late. I sadly have spent the majority of my life caring for other people and putting other people’s needs ahead of my own and yet now that I stand up and scream and say things the way I see them, which you have to understand I am screaming as that’s how I see things or perceive things to be, people don’t like hearing the truth, or my perception of the truth. People want the old Reney back. I hate to say it; as much as my issues are upsetting I will NEVER go back to the old Reney. The new improvised version is here to stay and no matter how many disagreements I am bound to have with people this is the real ME. Deal with it or move along!!!

Also the guilt about Alister was killing me last night so I invited ManBoy over to my home this afternoon so we could chat about things. This was his first time over to my house and thank God the house was spotless. Elvis went NUTS over him and kept licking him right smack on the lips. My boy loves a good looking fella.

So we sat down over strong lattes and I discussed what had transpired with Alister yesterday. I want to be honest as I am starting to care a lot about ManBoy.

His initial reaction was one that I sort of suspected, his back sort of tensed up and I could tell that he was feeling a little betrayed by me. Then when I elaborated on the events and that nothing happened and that nothing ever would happen with Alister as I didn’t feel THAT way towards him anymore. Having said that though Alister and I would always be in each other’s lives. Alister and I have no control over this electric energy, as I like to refer to it as, as we keep gravitating towards each other almost like magnets, this silent phenomenon of physically being attracted to each other’s personality. Its fucking nuts, but that is exactly what its like, and neither one of us can control it.

ManBoy said:

M: “Reney, I am a bit shocked with your forwardness, but I appreciate your candor and I can only suspect that this was a hard discussion to have with me, it’s a lot for me to have to digest”
R: “Oh fuck yeah”
M: “You do have Tourettes don’t you?”
R: “Oh fuck yeah”

We then spoke about where we were headed and I shrugged my shoulders. I explained that I struggle with being tied down to one person and I am not comfortable with devoting my time and energy to an “obligation”. And yes he was an obligation. ManBoy laughed. I also explained that the word commitment was too similar to the word committal look up the word committal and it reads “an act of legally confining somebody to prison or a mental health facility” By this stage ManBoy was roaring with laughter and called me a dropkick.

I am more than content the way things are, we see each other when we can and we always make time for each other. ManBoy said that he too felt good about the way this relationship was moving. Slow and steady. But he then threw this in:

M: “What if I meet somebody else or find an attraction to another woman”
R: “Then you need to go with what you are feeling but all I ask is that you be honest with me and tell me what’s going on, just be upfront with me”
M: “Sweetness, you are most men’s perfect woman”
R: “Apart from the fat arse right?”
M: “I love your arse, I love that you are curvy and womanly”
R: “Lets not go there, let me go back to what we were discussing, just be honest with me and we wont have any problems okay?”
M: “Oh fuck yeah!”

Then as ManBoy went in for a pash and a grope Elvis jumped on him literally and starts going for it, licking his ears, his lips his cheeks.

After ManBoy left I just felt this sheer relief, as hopefully he understands me a little better. So I called my gorgeous T. and made it sound like an emergency so he could come to the phone. T. is an endodontist (a dentist whom specializes in performing root canal therapy alone) I think his receptionists think I am retard or something. We had a very quick chat and I told him what had happened and T. was always the supportive bitch that he is and said he would call me back as he was with a patient. I kept asking questions like “is your patient cute? is it a man or a woman?, tell your patient to brush their teeth better and look after their teeth and oral hygiene then they wouldn’t have to be seeing a motherfucking endodontist’’ and T. lets out this nervous giggle and says “Honey, I will call you later” and then proceeded to hang up on me. The Motherfucker! I come before your patient!!! Hee hee. I am such a pest!!!

I have an inbox full of emails I must reply, so until next time you all need to remember: Be good if not be good at it!!!

Reney

P.S - My 4 Amigos are: Elvis, T., Alister & ManBoy