Day 75 -Reney did a bad, bad, thing!

Ohhhh fuck I’ve done a bad thing..well sorta…well maybe it’s not that bad….oh crap its bad….but then again maybe its not.

So yesterday Alister rang me at work to say hi and that he missed me and asked me out to a lunch date for today. So I said yes… because why the hell not.

So Alister came to pick me up from work today and off we went. Alister and I have this habit and we have had this habit for years that whenever we sit down to have a meal we hold our pinky fingers together. Its silly but we always have done it. I am not a touchy feely sort of girl and Alister is very touchy feely. I usually smack his hands away after about a minute or so and say, “Noo, nooo, nooooooo I need to breathe!!!” Today was no exception, after a few minutes I begged Alister for my pinky finger back, it was getting rather claustrophobic.

The nearest place was McDonalds so I sipped a latte whilst Alister chowed down on his lunch. I have to say that the smell today was really off putting for me, hence why I stuck to a latte. I haven’t had Mc Doos for over 3 months and it’s amazing how the stench is so off. It stunk like I would suspect a dead horse to smell like.

I digress, all throughout lunch Alister would put his food down and he would lean over the table and push my hair out of my face. We are always gravitating towards each other, always have and always will. Its weird. He then turned serious on me and said that he misses not hanging around me anymore and asked whether I was interested in trying again (for like the 6th time in 5 years) and I said no to a relationship but yes to a friendship and that he had to understand that I had ManBoy in my life now and he was important to me.

Fuck I am so confused. A bit of weight loss and my confidence levels are sky high and now I am juggling 2 beautiful men. I don’t want to do this, I don’t like to do this, I have had this done to me and I hated it and now I feel like I am a contestant who is forced to participate in these bullshit games. I’m no player.

So I told Alister how I felt and was dead set honest with him and added that he couldn’t keep wanting to be in a relationship with me one minute and then changing his mind.

We got back into his car and as he drove me back to work I reiterated that I was not going to be the driver in this car wreck waiting to happen. Alister tried to get all warm and fuzzy with me and I let out a “no, nooooo, noooooooo” I cant do this to ManBoy and more importantly I cant do this to myself. I could not handle living with the guilt of hurting somebody I care about.

Then Alister got a bit upset with me and said that he understood where I was coming from but he believed that I have a problem with commitment, I had to laugh and I said that he wasn’t wrong I did have a problem with commitment as I didn’t believe in happily ever after. I don’t believe in being stuck in one miserable relationship for the rest of my life. He then said that I have watched way too many episodes of Sex and the City and that made me laugh my head off.

Food wise, today I had a glass of V8 juice for breakfast, 2 cups of coffee and by 3.30pm I was starving so I had a small tin of baked bins and dinner was some tuna and cous cous. On the exercise front I managed to do 235 skips on my skipping rope and then I used the resistance tubes for 20 minutes.

So have I done a bad, bad thing by going out for lunch with Alister?


Reney