Day 65 - I am woman hear me ROAR!!!

Day 6 of The Bikram Yoga Challenge. I got out of bed and raced to the Yoga Studio. I did my 90 minutes of yoga and I feel incredible. A bit sore but incredible nonetheless.

Yogini pulled me aside at the end of the class and threw another challenge at me, 60 straight days of Bikram. Which would mean 90 minutes of yoga for 60 days straight no stopping, no days off. I laughed out aloud. “You can’t be for real,” I said. “Yes” she said, “I am for real.” I told her I would think about it. I’m tempted to say the least. But readers can you tell how I have a problem with commitment? I dodge anything I have to commit to. Weird shit going on in my head huh?

I got home from yoga and spent another hour in my garage working out. I did some weight training, the resistance tubes and then managed some skipping rope and some sit-ups. During the sit-ups I think Elvis wanted to join in or play he kept licking my face and at one stage climbed onto my tummy all 7 kilos of him ...he is such a fat arse. I then used Elvis as a resistance ball which was hilarious.

How do I feel after a week of intense yoga? Well my lower back needs to be popped that’s for sure as it is sore as I over flexed it last night. I feel great and alive like I have mentioned before but I am exhausted. My body is screaming out to take a break but I can’t stop, I won’t stop. I want to keep going and going and going. I admittedly did not go “hard” into my exercises today like I usually do. I have said before that I want to treat my body like a machine and I really do. But in some sick way I almost want to test myself and see how far I can go before I collapse.

Two gorgeous girls named Erin and Mel, left comments on my blog last night asking me whether I was always this active. I used to be rather active going to yoga and the gym and walking for an hour on most days but 3 years ago I basically just gave up. In the process I gave up not only with exercise but I also gave up on life and gave up on ME. When I contemplated and researched this surgery I learned that if I really wanted good weight loss I knew I had to work out.

I don’t believe that you can lose weight and keep it off if you don’t work out. That’s just MY belief. I have seen people, family and friends around me who have lost astronomical amounts of weight with no exercise and hey I applaud them for controlling their food intake but when I look at them next to people who have lost weight from a combination of food and exercise I hate to say this but these people (diet & exercise) look a lot healthier. They have a certain glow about them and they have this amazing shine to their skin.

Another observation I have made is that my parents worked damn hard and they never had sedentary jobs, always some sort of manual labour. When I look at their old photos they were both very toned and muscly. My dad still has some great definition on his arms and my mum has the legs and arse that are firmer than a 16-year-old boys. I look at my previous boss; I will refer to him as CR. CR is a dentist and sits for the majority of his workday but he would ride his bike each and every day going from Black Rock to Port Melbourne and then from Port Melbourne to Frankston and then back to Black Rock. I don’t know how many kilometres that is but man he would burn some rubber. He did this every day for the 6 years that I worked for him, 7 days a week and his physique was amazing. Please note he is close to 62 years of age. But he had what I refer to as Pop Eye the Sailor Man arms.

I also know my body pretty well; I've had it with me all my life. I know that if I want to drop the kilos I need to move, move, move.

I also think that my head is in the right place at the right time. I knew that this surgery wasn’t going to be easy. I understood that there was still going to be a lengthy battle ahead of me.

I work out 7 days a week doing some sort of activity. The amount or length of time depends solely in the activity. But its anywhere between an hour – two hours per day. The last 3 weeks have seen me push myself that bit harder and further. I want to see the results; I want to see ME in the mirror. I am tired of looking through the mirror. I want to look at myself in the raw in the mirror and be proud of what I have accomplished. I want this surgery to work and my passion to be skinny is what drives me. I want this soooo much. I want to succeed. I have succeeded professionally but I have NEVER succeeded personally.

Another thing that drives me to be so active is that I have always wanted to go to restaurant and look at a menu and order whatever the hell I wanted and not feel guilty. When I get to my goal weight I want to be able to order the fattiest thing on the menu and not care about how many calories are in that, or deal with the “I shouldn’t have eaten that” guilt trip I put myself through. I want my life not to be dictated by food. I want to say well I ate a fatty meal last night but the amount of exercise I did today and will do tomorrow will just burn it all up. How awesome is that going to feel?

There are days when I sit back and reflect about the last couple of months and when I reflect about the days events and I chuckle to myself as I cant believe that I actually ate such a healthy, organic meal, how fantastic it tasted, how full I felt, and how little I ate. Which brings me to I feel like I am actually tasting food for the very first time in my life.

I also think about the days exercise, the sweat and the screaming that I do in my head and how I talk myself into one more sit up, one more push up, one more skip of the rope, let me paint you a picture:

-GOOOOOOOO Reney!!! Go, Go, Go!!! You can do one more. Just one more
-Its hurting Reney it’s really hurting
-That’s okay it’s meant to hurt, just think about the beautiful rest you can have after this rep. Come on GIRL one more, one more, one more and hold it there. Hold it for a few more seconds Okay okay one more. Squeeze your arse girl, squeeze it, squeeze it, squeeze it!
-I’ve done it I’ve held it for that second more and in my head I am releasing this sound ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH from the sheer agony of it.

All this dieting and exercise has also changed my outlook on life. I know what I want and I know what I don’t want. I also know that I need to be true to myself, there are going to be some major changes in my life, in my outlook and in how I present myself, in my day-to-day living. I can be anything I want, I can do anything I want, I can have anything I want. All I need to do is work hard, stay true to myself, believe in myself and not care about the haters, not care about the people who only like me when I am fat and miserable (and yes I have a few of those people around me – my fault for attracting them…but that’s another blog entry) not care about the ones who want to bring me down. This is MY life and I am regaining it by horns and I’m controlling it and manipulating it to the way I want it to be.

This attitude is powerful for me. This power drives me to succeed, pushes me to succeed and hopefully in the process I can encourage some of you to come with me. Its almost like, I watch Elvis play with a stuff toy and he immediately grabs it and shakes it around like he is trying to kill this animal he has caught and rip it open. Well that’s how I feel. I have MY life in my mouth and I am shaking all the shit off it and ripping into it.

So now you all know where my head is at.

Reney