Day 49 - A gorgeous wake up call.

This morning I had the most gorgeous wake up call. I was awoken at 5.15am by my home phone screeching. I shot out of bed and grabbed the receiver and for a split second I thought I had slept in and forgotten to set my alarm clock. I let out a croaky hello and I heard this cackle on the other end and then I hear:

T: “howz it going bitch?’
Reney: “You motherfucking son of a bitch, where the fuck are you and why the fuck are you calling me so fucking early in the morning?”

Its my best, bestest, best, best , best, best, BEST friend T. (T. Is a dentist so I cant show you his face or tell you his name)

T: “honey I'm in New York”
R: “New York?? Whatja doing there sunshine? What time is it over there?”
T: “listen I just saw a huge black man and thought of you darlin”
R: “get out of here!!!! Gimme details, was he big? How tall is he? Put him on the phone I need to hear his voice, how hot is he, on a scale of 1 to 10?”
T: “girrrl he was on fire. F-I-R-E !! I tell you, but you know he is checkin me out, hey handsome”
R: “whaddya mean he was on fire?”
Yeah, okay I was having a momentary lapse of confusion. Listen I got to bed last night at 1.00am, so I haven’t had much sleep.

As you’ve probably (or maybe not) guessed Torsty is my best friend who is gay and if he wasn’t gay, or if I was a gay male (which by the way when I die and IF I get another chance and come back, I want to be reincarnated as a gay man) we would be together.

I’ve never in my entire 37 years of existence ever met a human being and connected with them on so many levels. I start a sentence, he finishes it and vice versa. Many and I mean many people used to think we were a couple as we were always so in tune, switched on and I would look at him and he knew what I was going on about. I used to be his “girlfriend” when he had to attend certain functions. T. has always been “out and proud” but there were certain events were it wasn’t always easy for him to be the gorgeous gay man that he is.

I used to work with T. and work had never been so much fun. The day T. told me he was moving to Dallas Texas to study for 5 years (he eventually graduated as an Endodontist) was the day my heart broke. He and I sat on my then workplace front steps and intertwined our arms together and cried and cried. Both of us wiping each other’s tears and T. holding a tissue to my nose and saying “Blow Reney, blow” which then set us off in wicked fits of giggles.

T. and I used to get up to a LOT of mischief and he used to drag my arse to some amazing parties where the doof doof music flowed and we danced like maniacs. Yes, people I am a fag hag and I’m proud of it. Reney loves gay men. Say it loud say it proud Sister!!!

Man I miss him. T. Is like a big brother to me (I already have an older brother and he is a cool brother so don’t get me wrong) but T. is really special. Everyday we laughed and joked around and checked out gay porn on his lap top (frikkin hilarious and I have never seen so much dick in my life!!!) I am having flash backs of being thrown out of The Tool Shed the sex shop in Sydney, anyways he opened my eyes to a lot of things. I love him with all my heart but I aint in love with him like I think you all might be thinking. I aint stoopid, the guys gay.

We made a pact that if I ever felt “maternal” and wanted a baby then he was the man to call. And NO the “deed” would not be performed the “normal” heterosexual way. We had seriously discussed this for years. I contemplated it at one point in my life and weighed it all up. I don’t want a baby, not now not ever. I wouldn’t make a good mother. I am too forgetful. I would probably leave the kid in a shopping trolley in a car park. I find it difficult enough to look after myself and Elvis so having a baby along for the ride…hmmmm not sure I want to do that.

I remember once I was at work and I was furious about something and T. empties the vase sitting on my desk and hands it to me. I looked at him and gave him the “What the fuck?” stare. T. takes my other hand and guides me outside into the lane. He looked at me and said, “Okay, you are a diva, you need to get in touch with your diva-ness” I’m still giving him the “What the fuck?” stare. “Unleash the diva within, so throw that vase. You will feel so much better,” He starts screaming at me “Unleash her” So I unleashed her and I threw the vase and hot damn I felt soooo good. The vase just went CRASH, SPLAT and there was glass everywhere. He was right; this made me feel really good. He then grabbed my hand and screamed this high-pitched squeal “AHHHHHH Run”. Down right hilarious.

I learnt a lot of things from T. but the main thing I learnt from him was to love people unconditionally. He taught me to love with all my heart and with all my being. He used to always tell me “Don’t do things or go into things half arsed Reney, be passionate about love, about life, about everything” Another thing he taught me was that when you hug someone you HUG them. (I am not usually the touchy feely type) You place both arms around each other and you squeeze them really hard. Always tell the people you love that you love them. That’s what I learnt from T. I will say it again I miss him so, so much. Oh I cant forget he also taught me how to dance to The Communards – Don’t leave me this way. I kid you not.

So we continued chatting and T. told me he was on a “Conference” in New York for 5 days and then was flying back to Sydney (where he has now relocated to). He told me that he is an avid reader of my blog (so now you all know who T. is on my blog comment board) and was really proud of me, how much he loved me and missed me. Oooohhh shucks aint that sweet? I am so lucky to have a friend like him in my life.

We ended the conversation with our usual goodbyes,

T: Love ya hun, be a good girl
R: I love you too T, be a good boy
Then a cacophony of laughter from the both of us

R: and remember if it’s not on its not on (an American condom campaign)
T: yes Nancy Reagan

What an awesome and joyous way to start the day. I decided to get up out of bed and sat in front of the box (the television readers not my HooHaa) and watched the news. The photos are me getting jerked off with the news. Bloody John “No Balls” Howard just pisses me off especially first thing in the morning.

I have had such a great couple of days. I had another coffee date with ManBoy last night and that was really nice. Girls, he is such a gentleman. The dude is getting more and more brownie points after he took his scarf off and put it around my neck. Sweet hey? We talked more about books and politics and he questioned me as to why I thought the Live Earth concerts was a crock of shit (how much water, electricity & paper was wasted?)

Work was great, I managed to get a whole lotta stuff that I had shoved away in my file which I call “Ahhhh shit, cant this wait?” file.

I cant exercise tonight because I am so stiff everywhere. My legs hurt, my butt is so sore I am finding hard to sit down and my calves feel like a kick boxer has kicked the shit out of them. I know I should be doing more but I definitely need a day of rest.

On the food front, it’s all still going really well. I had an organic falafel ball for lunch which was delish malish. They cost about $5 for 6, which isn’t too bad. I have also been investigating and researching the possibility of turning complete vegetarian. I emailed Mr Wonderful Surgeon tonight so I am anxiously awaiting his response. Have any other bandsters turned vegetarian? I am not missing red meat at all in fact the only time I have thought about it was when I smelt it at a restaurant. To be frank the smell now makes my tummy feel a tad nauseous.

After the chicken spew on Saturday …well I have been turned off completely. Any advice readers?

Nancy Reagan


P.S To my gorgeous friend Kirsty thanks for your sms and email. You rock and I can’t wait to rock up to your wedding in my new sexy dress.