Day 45 - A shocker of an evening!!!

Man what a shocker of an experience I endured last night. Let me tell you how my evening went.

V and I decided to go do dinner and a movie last night. We picked a restaurant The Coco Lounge that has lovely food and a lovely ambiance.

Cocky me decided that she wanted pasta and chose the chicken carbonara. I am supposed to be on liquids until Tuesday of next week but smart arse me decided that she wanted pasta. If Princess Reney wants something she doesn’t back down. I’m a Taurean, we are extremely stubborn. Can you tell?

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! You won’t believe what happened to me. I had 2 very small forkfuls of pasta and I chewed and chewed and chewed chatting away to V. having a laugh watching the guy next to us devour one course after the other and being overtly fascinated with where he was putting all this food.

I put my fork down, took a deep breath and felt my face go a whiter shade of pale. Poor V. looked up at me, as it was probably the only time she has ever heard silence around me. I am a chatterbox and I don’t ever shut the fuck up. My mum tells me all the time that I came out of her being and angry, loud, and talking. My mum tells me that I have always been a bit mouthy and as a little one I used to ask Why? Why? Why? All the time.

V. takes one look at me and asks if I am all right. I just looked V. in the eye and nodded my head at her.

Do you know where this is headed?

I had the tiniest piece of chicken stuck in my chest wall and I was having the worst chest pains I have ever experienced.

I excused myself from the table and spent the next 25 minutes in the bathroom in sheer agony. The pain was so intense I thought this is it. I’m going to die in this stinking dunny. I couldn’t breathe properly and the pain was so intense I was punching the tiled wall and kicking the door.

I have never felt so fragile and vulnerable in my entire life. I threw up and threw up and threw up but the fucking piece of chicken wasn’t going anywhere in fact with every retch the piece of chicken was just lodging itself even tighter in between my top and bottom tummies. The amount of spew coming out of me was amazing. I’ve hardly been eating. So it was very weird.

I had tears, snot, and saliva just running down my face. How can I best describe the pain? I felt like I had been stabbed and someone was twisting the knife around and around and performing open-heart surgery on me with no anaesthetic.

I came out of the bathroom looking and feeling like crap. Every bit of energy had been zapped out of me. I was ready to collapse. I had broken out in a sweat as well and it was yuk. I walked back to our table and V was looking frantic. (In hindsight I am finding a lot of humour in her concern.)

I explained what had happened, and poor, poor V. I think I may have frightened her (I frightened myself) Thankfully none of the diners could hear me screaming, vomiting and moaning in sheer agony, I think some of them may have heard me punching the wall and kicking the door.

My lesson is that I have to be a lot more selective with food when ordering in a restaurant and not to punch tiled walls because my knuckle is cut and very sore.

V and I then walked across the road in the rain (which for me was a blessing as the rain was making me feel alive again) and we got into our theatre seats and saw a funny movie Blades of Glory.

We then went back to my place and I made the poor thing watch a DVD of a spoken word performance by the amazing, and talented Mr Henry Rollins (Uncut from NYC) I was sprawled on the sofa and I was doing that annoying thing which I hate when people do this to me. “V. watch this bit it’s so funny” and “ohhhhhh this is hilarious listen to this”. Hahahahahaha. I am such a pest. And then I started with “V. you gotta love a broody hard faced man like Henry” I think V. wanted to scream at me “Shut the fuck up and let me watch this.”

After V. went home I sat up until 3am replying to emails. I didn’t want to go to sleep yet as my abdomen was sore from the vomiting (or maybe it’s my diaphragm area) and even though I was feeling so trashed and defeated I wanted to win this battle. Nothing is going to bring me down. NOTHING.

I awoke this morning feeling very drained and then the hysterics started. I am a crazy girl I remember the vomiting events from the night before and found sheer humour in it. I remember kicking the bathroom door and then punching the tile wall repeatedly…you have to laugh.

My house is a brothel (not literally) but there is shit all over the place and I hate having a messy house. So I spent the majority of the morning cleaning, vacuuming, mopping and dancing away to an awesome CD by The Puppini Sisters. I love this album. They are a trio who sing 1940’s a Capella, jazz, close harmony style of singing. I love it. They do covers of: Mr Sandman, Wuthering Heights, Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy, and Jeepers Creepers. (Are you getting a jist of what they are like?)

On the exercise front I want to go for a run but my arse is firmly planted on the sofa and I am finding it hard to motivate myself. Elvis needs a walk so I know that sometime today I am going to have to take him out.

On the book front I am reading A Dull Roar, What I did on my Summer Deracination 2006 by Henry Rollins. (and its autographed too!!!!) I love this book and I really enjoy the way he journals. He is such an inspiration to me. I like the way he writes I find it captivating, riveting and all enthralling. Never has an author hit that spot (tut, tut, I am not trying to be smutty here) Every time I open up one of his books it hits me in the face like BOOM. I’m left mentally drained after reading his books and then I read them again from cover to cover.

This whole week has bought me new experiences and I have appreciated every single one. All the good stuff and the bad stuff have made me feel alive, conscious and inspired.

I’ve met some awesome people and made some fantabulous new friends.

I feel like each day now matters to me. It’s just not another day. I feel like I can do and achieve anything. Anything I want is within my grasp. All I have to do is work hard and it will happen. I feel so positive, optimistic, constructive, upbeat and so tremendously happy.

Am I sounding really sickening? I can’t apologise for being this deliriously happy because it’s just organically coming out in my pores.

I have 19 emails to answer so I must fly and then its down time for Reney & Elvis as we are going to lay on the sofa and chill out and drift in and out of beautiful sleeps.

Reney